why did I become a teacher?

It's not that I ever created this blog to be one giant gripe session. It's just that this semester has felt so overwhelming. Some days, I wonder if I'll make it to the end. Every day, I wonder if I am going to be certified. And most days, I have a huge headache.

My grandpa is in town this weekend. Tons of fun, except I can't spend as much time as I want with him because I have to work on my portfolio, or on my lesson plans, or on getting forms ready for Monday's mid-term conference. I'm terribly behind because the school gave me such a lousy placement and refused to do anything about it. Now I'm paying the price for their mistake.

My mom has been getting on me for griping too much. Like, about how I want a new TV. She won't let me buy one until she decides I've worked hard enough for it. I'm so tired and stressed, every day, and I'm living without a television, and I haven't seen any of my favorite programs in about forever... I have no way to relieve tension. Then my mom gets upset with me if she walks by my room and I'm surfing the internet or reading a book, not cleaning or working on my portfolio or working on lesson plans, which are the only approvable pasttimes in her book. My head is pounding so bad, and all I want to do is watch Seinfeld and go to bed. But I can't do that because I don't have a TV.

What do I have to do to please her enough to let me get a television? I told her that I would pay for it, and that's not enough. My self-esteem and my internal dialogue have both taken a terrible beating this semester, and I am coming home to an environment that is not a whole lot better. I am so stressed, and I'm sure that is one of the reasons I am having such awful headaches. Sometimes my mom makes fun of me, too, and I think that doesn't help much either.

What I really want is to go to bed and forget that school even exists. My whole life is falling apart around me. My schoolwork is going to be turned in late. I made one of my best friends mad at me, and as for my other best friend... I don't even know where that friendship is going. My mom is a firm believer that I am as good as broke, which is basically true, and she gets very upset with me for spending money. So what am I supposed to do, walk to school? And I can't even manage to get a normal week in school, so that I can get on top of all my lesson plans. No, there's always something thrown into the mix. Frankly, I'm sick of it.

Life's not worth this. I'm going to bed. At least I can attempt to forget about school for a few hours.