my heart is heavy....
We took the Lord's supper in church this morning. I was glad for it, but still my heart is heavy. There is so much between myself and the Lord right now. My heart is heavy. My heart is sad.
I received an email from Linda today. For newcomers to this blog who don't know, Linda is my long-lost cousin who decided last December to move in with her boyfriend. Before that time, we were the best of friends. Maybe moving in with her boyfriend is not a big deal to most people, but to our conservative Christian family, it was quite a shock. Sometime last August or September, they threw together a sudden wedding. And anyway, she barely speaks to me now.
Sometimes I wish she could know how many hearts she has broken. She was quite the buzz at the family reunion in September. I feel so sorry for her parents. I know they wanted so much more for her. But there were a lot of other people in the family who were disappointed in her.
I wish I could be joyful at receiving an email from her. I mean, hey, at least she's trying to communicate with me, right? But I'm not. It makes me so, so sad, one of those deep sadnesses that you can feel in your chest. It makes me cry. I imagine what she could have had... I imagine what great joy her Savior planned for her. I imagine how much she broke His heart when she moved in with her boyfriend. And that's what hurts most of all.
Because, you see, her Savior is my Savior too. Jesus. And I love him so much. I want to please him, I want to be the kind of person He wants me to be. I just wonder every day if she has brought her sins before the Lord. I wonder if she is seeking fulfillment and joy in the Father. I wonder if she loves God first, boyfriend second. I don't think she is. I don't think she does.
Please don't assume that I'm saying this because I'm looking at the plank in my cousin's eye before dealing with the speck in my own eye. As 1 Corinthians 15:31 says, "I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord." I struggle every day to live a sinless life before my Father.
God's Word also says that those who glory in Christ will be known by their actions and by the fruit they produce. Dear Linda... where are your actions? where is your fruit?
On another note, I've noticed that this blog has turned kind of depressing lately. Sorry. Life's gotten a bit stressful, and this has been how I vent to keep my sanity. I'll try to lighten the mood around here.
I received an email from Linda today. For newcomers to this blog who don't know, Linda is my long-lost cousin who decided last December to move in with her boyfriend. Before that time, we were the best of friends. Maybe moving in with her boyfriend is not a big deal to most people, but to our conservative Christian family, it was quite a shock. Sometime last August or September, they threw together a sudden wedding. And anyway, she barely speaks to me now.
Sometimes I wish she could know how many hearts she has broken. She was quite the buzz at the family reunion in September. I feel so sorry for her parents. I know they wanted so much more for her. But there were a lot of other people in the family who were disappointed in her.
I wish I could be joyful at receiving an email from her. I mean, hey, at least she's trying to communicate with me, right? But I'm not. It makes me so, so sad, one of those deep sadnesses that you can feel in your chest. It makes me cry. I imagine what she could have had... I imagine what great joy her Savior planned for her. I imagine how much she broke His heart when she moved in with her boyfriend. And that's what hurts most of all.
Because, you see, her Savior is my Savior too. Jesus. And I love him so much. I want to please him, I want to be the kind of person He wants me to be. I just wonder every day if she has brought her sins before the Lord. I wonder if she is seeking fulfillment and joy in the Father. I wonder if she loves God first, boyfriend second. I don't think she is. I don't think she does.
Please don't assume that I'm saying this because I'm looking at the plank in my cousin's eye before dealing with the speck in my own eye. As 1 Corinthians 15:31 says, "I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord." I struggle every day to live a sinless life before my Father.
God's Word also says that those who glory in Christ will be known by their actions and by the fruit they produce. Dear Linda... where are your actions? where is your fruit?
On another note, I've noticed that this blog has turned kind of depressing lately. Sorry. Life's gotten a bit stressful, and this has been how I vent to keep my sanity. I'll try to lighten the mood around here.
posted by Tidy Bowl at
1:40 AM
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