Tidy Bowl Has No Idea What to Name Her Blog

Saturday, December 10, 2005

mildly melancholy

I've had two snow days, which has been nice. I'm completely caught up and spending lots of time at home relaxing, which is nice. I've finished some of my Christmas shopping, which is nice. And I will probably do the rest of my Christmas shopping today, which will be nice.

But I had a realization, which shocked me and depressed me all at the same time. I ordered Steve's gift online, and probably spent more than I should have on it. But I realized this...

This gift is more than a Christmas gift. This gift is a good-bye gift, a going away gift. This is the last gift I will give him before I embark on my life without him.

I'm graduating in one week. I look forward to it and I dread it all at the same time. I look forward to it because, well, it's graduation. I dread it because after graduation, I will have to be honest with steve. I have to tell him that he can't have his cake and eat it too.

It makes me so sad to think of that, because I am so afraid of what he will say, and so frighteningly sure that he will not be interested in me. And it makes me so sad to imagine my life without his precious friendship. I have to remind myself that God is faithful, and that He will bring something better into my life. Sometimes it's hard being human.

5 Comments:

  • I don't envy you in the least. Stay strong...this is hard but things are going to end up really great for you.

    By Blogger Lindsey, At December 10, 2005 3:01 PM  

  • You and Steve doing the pre-marital nasty?

    A little advice: If you've found ANY man who will listen to you and actually spend time with you while not being forced to, girlfriend, you better hold on to him like dear life itself.

    To second linny's comments- I don't envy you in the least either.

    By Blogger crallspace, At December 10, 2005 5:42 PM  

  • i don't get it, why are you telling us and not him?

    By Blogger The Davis's of Smith Street, At December 10, 2005 10:04 PM  

  • I wish you the best of luck, and my prayers are with you. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I know that things will work out the way God intends.

    Dan - I'm sure you've heard the saying about making assumptions.

    And to Davis's - It's called a blog...you know, an online diary used as a means to express yourself, work things out in your mind, that sort of thing. I'm sure you've heard of it, since you're here.

    By Blogger Just Me, At December 11, 2005 10:45 PM  

  • Thanks, Sam. It means a lot to me to know that I've got other brothers and sisters lifting me up.

    By Blogger Tidy Bowl, At December 11, 2005 11:07 PM  

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