i just gotta clarify...
nervous
Recently, a friend visiting my blog referred to me in a comment as "selfless". That really hit me. I don't think anyone has ever referred to me as selfless before! And I thought, I oughta clarify...
I DON'T FEEL SELFLESS!!!!
Maybe someone will stumble across my blog and imagine an Apostle Paul look-alike, but they would be SOOOO wrong! Of course, even the Apostle Paul was a sinner, but he had such a faith on fire! In his own words, "I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:14-15)
What am I feeling? Excited, but scared. I've been making lots of changes to my life, to become closer to God and a holier person. Or at least I'm trying to. Stuff like reading my Bible more, praying more, eating healthier, exercising more, that kind of thing. And it's hard!!!! I truly have so much growing to do before I become a complete woman in Christ - and truly, I will never be complete in Christ until I die - but with that, there's a part of me that sometimes asks God, "Are you sure you want me?"
I'm praying constantly, because I will do whatever God asks me to do, but this is a huge step, a huge change, and in a big way I don't know what I am getting myself into. I don't feel selfless! But I will go where He sends me, for Him, because He wants me there.
posted by Tidy Bowl at
4:48 PM
2 Comments:
Your very post illustrates why I referred to you as selfless. I understand your reticence in accepting something like that; I would certainly balk if I were in your shoes. You must understand, however, that the reason I said that has to do with the fact that though you are still somewhat unsure about your exact feelings on being called to serve, you are still willing to put everything aside (self included) to pursue God's will in your life. I guess I meant simply that I respect you for being willing to put yourself (and your own personal goals) on hold while you pursue God's will, even if you aren't quite sure yet what that means for your life.
So while I appreciate that you still have much growing to do (honey - don't we all), I won't take back what I said. Even if imperfect, Christians still sometimes demonstrate Christ-like qualities - including selflessness. I say, bravo and Godspeed.
~Sam
By
Just Me, At
March 11, 2006 10:59 PM
Thanks, Sam. And I'm not asking you to take back what you said - in fact I'm very flattered by what you have said. But what occured to me is that some people might wander across this blog and put me on a pedestal, and Heaven only knows I don't need or deserve a pedestal! I'm just a good old human being like you... I sin, I desire things, I struggle with temptation, I have LOTS of growing to do, I am constantly asking God where He's sending me in life... Just like almost any other Christian 22-year-old would be. I'm just me. Thank Heaven I got Jesus.
By
Tidy Bowl, At
March 11, 2006 11:04 PM
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