why?

mood:troubled

It seems like the more I pursue God, the more I am challenged by Satan himself. At least it feels that way. My pastor doesn't want me to go overseas but he won't tell me why. Today I spoke with another pastor, one who I have known longer, and he gave me the same response. They are telling me that I should get a job in the United States.

But I can't deny what I feel, the deep groanings of the Holy Spirit within me. Every word of my Bible jumps out at me, screaming of the need. The cry is echoed in every breath of prayer that I utter. The desire to become more will not go away. The call is there. Though I have not been willing to acknowledge it until very recently, the call has been in me for a long time.

But now I am just so scared about so much. My pastors are not supporting me - and I am quite certain that their reasons for not supporting me have less to do with "God's will" and more to do with "my (their) desires".

I cannot and will not ignore the fire that God has placed within me. But no less, I am frightened. The future is so uncertain. Where do I go from here?