troubled

mood:sad

I can't ask enough for prayers. First, of course, I need prayers about my future. I need to know for sure where God wants me to go and what God wants me to do. But second, I need prayers for my present. I think I might be called to leave Wellspring Fellowship.

There is so much that I cannot post on this blog - maybe not yet, maybe not ever. But please trust me - my reason for (maybe) leaving is not specifically because the pastor does not want me to go overseas. The problems run much deeper than that. I love Wellspring. They are a family to me. I am grieved by the prospect of leaving. But if God calls me to leave, if I can better serve God in a different place, then I have no choice but to follow His leading.

Life doesn't make sense. Never has, never will.

intrigue

mood:thoughtful

Today can best be described as intense. I cannot yet include all my thoughts on my blog, but suffice it to say that God has given me much to think and pray about.

Today I found the website for Mercy Ships International. They need teachers for their new ship, which will soon be commissioned to sail missions of hope and healing.

I have a lot to pray about.

when there are no words...

mood:numb

I don't know how to find the words to describe how I feel today. All I know is that, suddenly I am questioning everything I've ever understood. I won't be going overseas - at least not for a few more years. That means I have to find a job in the US. But I do not want to teach in the US. I never wanted to teach in the US. I never understood why I was getting a teaching degree, but I always knew it was what God wanted me to do. Then God told me to go overseas, and I was so certain that was what He wanted me to do...

Now I'm in the United States. Not so much haunted by shadows of what has been as I am taunted by whispers of what is yet to come...

Ebay!!!

mood:hyper!!!!

I won an Ebay auction today. Don't think me a total dork, but this is the first time in quite awhile that I've won an Ebay auction. I've done an awful lot of selling - I just don't buy much right now.

Well, my birthday is coming up soon, and I found a Bible on Ebay for a great price, so today I got on Ebay and watched this auction during its last hour. I NEVER realized what an adrenaline rush this would be! Especially during the last 10-15 minutes, I was refreshing the page every 3-4 seconds to see if I was still the winner! Wow!

But the good news is, I won the Bible! That makes me very happy. Now I am shopping for one more birthday gift - an mp3 player. I think I know what model I want, but I need to find a good auction for that now, too.

Bible reccommendations

mood:thoughtful

Okay, I already mentioned that my current Bible is a Zondervan NIV study Bible. But I was wondering if I could gather a few opinions out there as to your favorite Bibles/study Bibles. I know I need to get a new one soon, because my old Bible is falling apart. I really like study Bibles, and thus far I have really liked this particular study Bible. Plus I really like the NIV translation. So my question now is, should I get another Zondervan NIV study Bible or a different Bible?

So I would appreciate hearing from you about what type of Bible each of you owns and what you like and don't like about it. Thank you so much!

Bible reccommendations

mood:thoughtful

Okay, I already mentioned that my current Bible is a Zondervan NIV study Bible. But I was wondering if I could gather a few opinions out there as to your favorite Bibles/study Bibles. I know I need to get a new one soon, because my old Bible is falling apart. I really like study Bibles, and thus far I have really liked this particular study Bible. Plus I really like the NIV translation. So my question now is, should I get another Zondervan NIV study Bible or a different Bible?

So I would appreciate hearing from you about what type of Bible each of you owns and what you like and don't like about it. Thank you so much!

other blogs

mood:productive

Okay, yesterday I started a Yahoo! 360 blog. I'm syndicating the content of THIS blog to my Y! blog via an RSS feed (we'll see if it works). My Y! blog will always be found at http://360.yahoo.com/tidybowl5, but for the "original" material you can continue to come straight to Blog*spot.

Also, I've had a LiveJournal for awhile now, but I can't figure out how to syndicate to my LiveJournal. My LJ url is http://tidybowl5.livejournal.com/.

temporary insanity

mood:tired

Today I subbed in a 6th grade math class. Not too difficult but it left me tired.

Tonight I am going to be chaporoning my church's youth lock in. So that will definitely be an adventure. I haven't pulled an all nighter in a LONG time. And frankly I'm already kind of tired. So you can all pray for me, because I don't know how I am going to stay awake for the whole night. Thanks guys. I really appreciate it.

Updates tomorrow, hopefully with pictures from the lock in.

shopping

mood:productive

For quite awhile now, I've been looking into buying a new Bible. My trusty old Bible is a Zondervan NIV Study Bible:



This isn't the best picture, because mine is actually from two or three printings ago, but it works. Anyway, it was given to me when I was a freshman in college. It is softcover, aka paperback, which means that in the time since my freshman year of college, it has gotten pretty beat up.

So I need to get a new Bible reasonably soon, and I am looking into getting another Zondervan NIV study Bible. I really like having it. But it's not easy enough to just decided to buy a Zondervan NIV study Bible. Now I have to decide if I want paperback, hardcover, or leather, and if I want leather, what color? Oh dear... it shouldn't be this difficult.

Well, I think I'd like to get a leather cover, just because I want one that will hold up. And I really like the Duo-Tone covers. So many choices!

I found this Bible on Ebay, which is the one that I am looking for, brand new, with a navy-blue bonded leather cover. The bonded leather retails for nearly $90, so this would probably be a pretty good deal.

Aaaah! Choices!

stir crazy

mood:restless

I am losing my mind.

It's the season of MAP/SAT/standardized tests, so I am getting no calls to sub whatsover. I have hours and hours at home, and nothing to do. And it is driving me nuts.

I do crossword puzzles. I do fill-in puzzles. I crochet. I surf the internet. I read my Bible and pray. But truthfully, my days have very little variety.

It's affecting my sleep big-time. Since I don't do anything during the day, I'm not tired at night. Last night was really bad... I went to bed at 11:15 pm and didn't fall asleep until 4:30 or 5:00 am.

I am quite sure that at least part of my restlessness is due to the fact that I really have no direction at this point. I'm still waiting for the guy from the mission board to contact me. I don't have any job offers here in the US. I'm just here... and I don't know where I'm going.

Yep. I think I'm losing my mind.

responsibility, or "do i have to?"

mood:tired

I admit it. Being a substitute teacher is really nice.

Okay, so some days I get a phone call at an ungodly hour of the morning, and I have to wake up and get dressed and be a perky, happy teacher for the rest of the day. Sometimes that's tough. But I work at good schools with good teachers and even better students, so I have fun.

However, on the days when I'm not working, I can create my own schedule, and that is REALLY nice. I admit that on those days, I struggle sometimes to wake up at an early-to-decent hour. But I really enjoy relaxing all day. Well, not really relaxing - I clean up around the house, cook, otherwise make myself productive. But generally I have a lot of time to myself. I surf the internet, crochet, do crosswords, play with hamster, and in general just enjoy myself.

You all know that I hope to go overseas. I want to go overseas. Most importantly, I feel called to go overseas! However, the process of applying and getting accepted and GOING overseas is proceeding at an excruciatingly slow pace.

So I need to cover my tail and apply at a few local school districts, just in case. But I really don't wanna! It's a lot of work to apply for these jobs, which I don't really even feel called to do, and I'm enjoying this time of being lazy at home while I can.

*Sigh* When did I grow up?

He's alive!

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they have put him!"
So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her.

Jesus Appears to His Disciples
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.
Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."

Jesus Appears to Thomas
Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"
But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."
A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may[a] believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

"smoking" surprises

mood:surprised & intrigued

Today I ran several errands, including a trip to Petco for hamster supplies and some clothes shopping at Gordman's. I happened to find two really adorable pairs of capri pants at Gordman's... but that's another story.

Gordman's was pretty busy, and while I was checking out I had to wait in line for quite awhile. I spent this time "people watching", looking at the people around me. There were many interesting people around me, including a young lady who was wearing far too little clothing, but behind the customer service counter stood a very good looking and well dressed young man.

I paid for my purchases and left, and as I was walking to the car, I happened to notice this gentleman standing outside the store and smoking a cigarrette. I was surprised, because I would never have expected him to be a smoker.

There's lots of other people I see smoking who surprise me. For example, almost every time I fill my car with gasoline at Quiktrip, I see police officers smoking. Now on the one hand, that doesn't suprise me - I know they work a very stressful job. But I did the DARE and GREAT programs when I was in elementary and junior high school. Those were police officer-led programs that taught us to resist drugs, gangs, etc. I remember police officers teaching us, again and again, "Don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't drink..." So it still surprises me to see some of those same officers smoking.

Then again, I wonder why such things surprise me. *shhhhh* I'm going to tell you a secret now. Before I was a faithful Christian, I used to be a smoker. I never thought I would be but then I went to college and, well - that's what I became. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to quit. So I suppose for a lot of these other people, they just haven't quit *yet*. I'll be praying for them.

Quixtar, Amway, and why I hate pyramid schemes

mood:disgusted

My ex-housemate, who I lived with while I was in school, was convinced she would make her million dollars through an online scheme called Quixtar. She was fairly successful selling Tupperware, but abandoned that in favor of this Quixtar thing, and actually tried very hard to convince me to sign up for it.

Luckily I'm more skeptical than she is, I guess. Quixtar is an online "business", which is managed by its "IBO"s (Individual Business Operators). My housemate was an IBO. It works like this: Quixtar sells a variety of products, everything from paper products to jewelry to electronics. Each IBO sells the products (in the fashion of Tupperware parties or Pampered Chef parties). For every product sold, the IBO gets a percent of the profit. The IBO also tries to convince their friends and family to become IBOs. Then when their friend/family IBOs sell a product, the friend/family gets a percent of the profit AND the other IBO gets a percent of the profit.

Or, in the words of a distributor: "If I buy $200 of stuff from Amway this month, I'll get a 3% bonus check (3% of $200 = $6). If I share the opportunity with nine others, and we each buy $200 of stuff from Amway this month, they each were responsible for $200 and will get $6, but I'm responsible for $2000, moving me to the 12% level. I get $240. However, I'm responsible for paying the bonuses of the people right below me - $54 - so I keep $186. I make more because I did more, I found nine people who wanted to buy at a discount and get a bonus for doing it. After I reach the 25% bonus level there are other bonuses that kick in, but they're all based on the volume of product flow, not on signing people up or having lots of people "

I was suspicious of this from the first time my housemate explained it to me, because this sounds just like a pyramid scheme. Mathematically impossible and, in the US, illegal. Well, today I came across this story on ABCNEWS.com about pyramid schemes, which immediately made me think of Quixtar.

I googled Quixtar, and (not surprising) Quixtar is owned by the same company that owns Amway. For those who don't know Amway's history, well... it's complicated but basically they got into legal trouble for being a pyramid scheme too.

I discovered this Dateline NBC investigation into Quixtar, which tells the story of their theft better than I ever could. I also discovered that Quixtar is "technically" legal because they produce a product - that is, the people get a product in return for their money.

I think what makes me most angry about this whole thing is that Quixtar is doing all of this "in the name of Jesus, Amen". How dare they take my Lord's name in vain, abusing His name for their own profit! It's deceptive and it's wrong!

truth is stranger than fiction

mood:shocked

Yesterday, a couple was arrested in Missouri for fraud. What is shocking about their case is how they chose to commit fraud. They claimed to have recently given birth to sextuplets in order to benefit from the generosity of others. They received a van, a washer and dryer, a large amount of money and gift cards, and a front-page story on the local paper. Their story fell apart when, well, no one could find the babies. You can read about them here. I just can't believe the depravity it takes to use a story of joy to take advantage of others. What have we come to?

attack on Jesus

mood:prayerful

I found two articles this week, very saddening, about "research" undermining the Bible. I figured I would share them with all of you. Judge for yourself - but these articles show just how tragic our world is becoming.

The Judas Gospel
The Jesus Dynasty

bubble boy

mood:thoughtful

Yesterday night, I watched a show about the original "Bubble Boy" on PBS. It's thought-provoking, to say the least. All kinds of moral and ethical concerns. What is right for the child - what is best for the child - what should they have done for the child?

Here's a link to the show, so that you can all explore his story.
The Boy in the Bubble

busy

mood:tired

The past few days have been unbelievably busy. I subbed today and yesterday, which was a lot of fun, but tiring too. And I've spent a lot of time taking care of my hamster. She was really sick, and I can't afford to take her to the vet, so I had to treat her myself. She lost a lot of weight and got very dehydrated, but now she's gained almost all of it back.

Otherwise, I don't have much to say. Life's just trucking along!

shoulders that bear our burdens

moodprayerful

I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder last night. Not sure how I did it, but it doesn't really matter. I woke up this morning, and it hurt like high heaven to move my shoulder. It doesn't help that this is the collerbone that I broke five and a half years ago, and which is still very sensitive to injury.

Anyway, my shoulder is killing me, and I started to imagine what it must have felt like for Jesus. Of course, I can't even begin to imagine what Jesus went through. But as I went through "life", and as it hurt so much that I gasped every time I moved my arm, I just couldn't imagine the shoulders of Jesus carrying His cross up the hill of Golgotha. And I cannot imagine, even more, the thorns and nails and the piercings. What a gift He has given us!

He was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
~Isaiah 53:5

As a sidenote, I got home a 2:00 pm today, and my hamster was wide awake. She's still going at it. It's very weird. She's nocturnal and- well, she's never awake at this time of day.

one in a million

mood:nerdy

I suppose I'm a bit late on the punch on this one, but last night (this morning), at 1:02 am and :03 seconds, the date actually read:

01:02:03:04:05:06

First hour, second minute, third second, of the fourth month, fifth day, of the sixth year. This won't happen again for another one hundred years. Cool!

memory lane

mood:nostalgic

This evening, I was sorting some of my files and getting my financial affairs in order, in case I go overseas and also just because it is a good thing to do. One of the things I did was to sort out all my receipts from my checking account. I have NOT done a good job of keeping up with that over the past few years! So I basically had to sort out about four or five years' worth of receipts.

It was actually kind of fun! Looking at all my old receipts brought back a lot of memories. Some of them didn't mean anything to me - like the "account withdrawal" receipts, or the receipts from the gas station. But the others brought back a lot of memories. Memories like, "I remember when I ate at this-or-that restaurant", or "I remember when I bought this piece of furniture", or "I remember when I traveled to that place".

It's so fascinating to look back on the journey God has brought me on these past few years. I never, ever would have expected to be where I am today - but at the same time, I am so thankful that God has brought me to this place. I wouldn't have it any other way.

nothing to say...

mood:bored

The past couple of days have been really, really quiet. I haven't subbed... haven't gone out... just kinda sat around at home reading my Bible, crocheting, surfing the Internet, playing with my hamster... I really need to get out more! :)

In all seriousness though... I have no complaints. There's just not much happening in my life. I wish I could report SOMETHING of fascination, but life's just been awfully quiet lately.

After church this morning, we took the Lord's Supper and celebrated our Agape Feast potluck dinner. We used to fellowship monthly, but had to cease that for a time due to circumstances and such. However, this is our third week in our new facility, and we're renewing the celebrations.

Tons of fun... I'll try to post some photos or something sometime.