peace and calm

I have to thank Drea, Janna, Anneliese, and anyone else who has stopped by this blog and said a prayer for me. This has been a really fantastic day, even though it really shouldn't have been. I had every reason to have a bad day... but it was really good and I have felt really peaceful all day. I am convinced that it is because of the prayers I have lifted up, and the prayers my fellow bloggers have lifted up for me.

I don't understand God's plans at all. Some of what's happened in the past couple of days has made no sense whatsoever to me. But there's an end to this, somehow, someday. I'll get there. Don't know how but I'll get there.

It is finished!

Ok, well I guess it's not really "finished" until I know that I've passed. But it is DONE. Tonight I turned my portfolio in... praise God... I am so relieved that it is OVER!!!!!!!!!

countdown...

My portfolio is almost done. I can almost taste it now.

I have 5 more mini-reflections... which take, like, no time at all. Plus all the formatting... which might take a bit more time.

But if all goes well, it should be on CMSU's drive and DONE by tomorrow or the day after.

The Pain

"The pain we're feeling drives us... you gotta eat it, you gotta live with it, you gotta take it home and cry in the dark. What else are you going to do?"

Major Steve Beck, USMC, as published in Time Magazine, November 21, 2005

bittersweet memories, bittersweet future

I should be working. I should be finishing my portfolio and writing lesson plans and otherwise being productive. But haven't you ever felt like you just had to blog?

Thanksgiving was pretty awesome. I guess I should write about that a little bit. My sister came to town from Fort Worth, Texas, which was mostly pretty neat. I got a little frustrated because she said some things that I had asked her not to say. But it was a good thanksgiving, and I am thankful for so much. This blog won't fill everything I am thankful for.

But that's not why I decided to blog tonight. Today I took some time to call several of my friends and wish them a happy thanksgiving. It was nice - I got to talk to a lot of people who I hadn't talked to in a long time. But I also realized something. It makes me very very sad.

I'll interject here to say that, I really appreciate the encouraging words of Linny and Drea. It means a lot to me.

In 21 days, I will be graduating. And after I graduate, I will able to celebrate for a time, and that will be a time of joy. But after I graduate I have to live, and I have to move on with my life, and I have to be who I am going to be.

And that means I have to say goodbye to S.

Not goodbye entirely - I guess we can still go out occassionally. But not nearly as often as we go out now. Because his refusal to admit who we are has been hurting me for a long time. So I need to find a guy who has grown up, and is willing to see my future.

That's what I need. I need my future.

I can't imagine my life without s. He is amazing, awesome, just about the best guy I have ever met. I don't know how I will be able to say goodbye to him. But I have to. I have to see who I will be. I have to find my world.

I wish God didn't call us to do things that hurt so much. It hurts just to imagine my life without him. It makes me cry just to imagine my life without him. How am I actually going to let him go?

And I know, I believe, that if he is not the one for me, if we are not "meant to be", that God will bring someone else into my life. Someone who is unimaginably better than s. But I can't see that right now. All I can see right now is that it hurts. It hurts a lot. I don't know how I will go on from here. But I will. I don't know how, but I always do. God is with me.

This afternoon, a song by Rich Mullins played on the radio that really gave me strength. He's not an artist I usually listen to, but I think I might have to go by this CD. This song helps me know that I can go on.

Hold Me Jesus
Rich Mullins

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

NSWTHAIGTDWML-O-Meter

I've decided that for tonight's post, to celebrate the beginning of the holiday season and the fact that graduation is only 25 days away, I'm going to take a hint from the fake doctor at http://ahyesmedschool.blogspot.com/.

I am creating my NSWTHAIGTDWML-O-Meter. (No, Seriously, what the hell am I going to do with my life-o-meter)

With my experience thus far, I can rank different grade levels and faculty positions on the meter. Also, if I develop a burning desire to do something that is not related to teaching, I reserve the right to add that to the meter. That being said, "Find a Hot Husband" and "Marry Rich" are still ranking pretty high up there. And there's always the spot of "Hell No" for everything that will never be me.

I have very little to add to this meter right now. I know for sure I will be graduating in December. I also know I want to get my master's degree - and I would like to get it soon, though I am not in a terrible rush to get it.

On an unrelated note, I'd like to move out of my parents' house as soon as it is reasonable. I love my parents and everything, but sometimes we grate on each other. It can be difficult living together.

Of course, I definitely want to have a job next fall, though I am much more flexible about my future plans than I originally expected to be. In other words, I could probably teach any grade for a year or two, although next semester I have a feeling I'll get a taste of all of the grades. Then I will be able to tell you which ones are my favorites.

I'm actually leaning towards public school - though more for the salary than anything. I need a good benefits package. I'd still like to teach in private school a lot. But a good public school district might not be so bad.

So far, I must say I have really enjoyed working with fourth graders. My only frustration is the areas in which they are NOT prepared... i.e. since they are only assessed on one or two subjects every year, only one or two subjects are taught really well each year. This year, math is the subject that they can't do. That's frustrating.

So what has this post accomplished? Well, really, nothing, I suppose. I asked, no seriously, what the hell am I going to do with my life? and the only solid ideas I've come up with are "find a hot husband" and "marry rich"!

Oh well. I think this will all straighten itself out after I graduate. One thing I know for sure - and I never ever ever ever thought I would say this - I don't want to leave the Kansas City area. Preferably, I'd really like to stay in Eastern Jackson County. Maybe not in Independence but in Lee's Summit or Blue Springs or Grain Valley or Oak Grove. My 2 best friends live in EJC - Steve in Lee's Summit and Beth in Grain Valley. In fact, if I could get a job with the Grain Valley school district, that would be out of this world outstanding! Then I would probably also be able to go into grain valley and buy a duplex or townhouse or condo. Great investment!

So what's next year going to bring? I really don't know. It will be my first year of teaching, and it will definitely be stressful, so I might stick around with the parentals for another year or at least 6 months. After that, though, I have the wide open spaces before me, time to buy a home and get myself organized. It's hard to believe I'm graduating from college in 25 days. Time flies...

yay! i'm learning code!

Ok, so I spent a good portion of my evening reading a guide to HTML on www.neopets.com. The site, itself, is pretty dumb but they have a good HTML guide. Linda convinced me to sign up for a virtual pet there back when we were friends. Ah, the good ole' days.

I love weeks like this. Two days. Today was Monday. Tomorrow is Friday. Feels so good.

Midterms are due tomorrow, which has been a tad crazy but overall I can't complain.

Tomorrow my sister is flying in from Fort Worth, Texas to spend Thanksgiving with us.

Hopefully s and I can go out tomorrow night. I have a hunch that my sis will want to go out with one of her Kansas City friends, and I know it will feel good to go out with s. Always relaxing...

it has come to my attention...

...that many of you who visit my blog are not leaving messages!

You know who you are!

Leave a message!

random Sunday thoughts

This concerns me greatly. I hope I never find myself in this position someday.

I wish I could find a gym with this kind of equipment. It would make exercising a lot easier and more interesting if I was able to multitask while I was doing it. Being able to check email, update my websites, and reply to parents would be a huge benefit.

This website is funny, in a disgusting kind of way.

The poor kids in this video will never live it down. It'll be played for every girlfriend, at their graduation, wedding, every birthday, retirement parties, probably even their funeral! Check out the third guy in the background...

Sunday's favorite blog... Spinster War Diaries. Linny knows, in painful reality, what it's like to be a single, successful, 20-something female in the United States.

My name is Miami and I'm cute! 

Dear China,

With President Bush's recent visit to Asia, the U.S. media is finally drawing more attention to the dire situation in China. The government in China has deluded the populace into a state of disaster. The people are spoon-fed only what the government will allow them to see or hear. Censorship is rampant. Religious freedom is nonexistenant.

Dear China, please know that your country will not become worse if the people are allowed to worship God freely. Your country will become better and stronger if the people do not have to fear for their lives to worship God. Dear China, give your people freedom. They have served you for half a century. Give them the gift of freedom.

President Bush attends church in China

i need to figure out what to say to Linda

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I was thinking about her when I was driving to and from work today. We're on completely different levels now, and I don't have a clue as to how to talk to her anymore. I'm thinking about being honest with her and telling her how concerned I am for her. For one thing, she is deceiving herself spiritually. She calls herself a Christian but she cannot show me what it means to be a christian. Actions speak louder than words. For another thing, I truly believe her boyfriend is dangerous. If he's not already, then one day he will be abusive towards her in some way - physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally. For a third thing, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have the gene for depression and mental illness in our family, and I know what it's like to be dangerously mentally ill. So I am very, very worried about her. But I don't know how to talk to her anymore.

Any thoughts you might have would be much appreciated. Any ideas?

I probably have been fighting a bug lately but I haven't been sick enough to miss school. Yesterday, though, by the end of the day I was tired and ready to go home. I went out to my car and (go figure) it wouldn't start. So I had to call my roadside assistance 800 number and wait an hour for the roadsite assist guy to show up.

He came, got into my car, and started it right up. Turns out the engine was flooded. Now I'm not a car expert, by any means, but the roadside assist guy told me that if you hold the gas pedal all the way to the floor, it flips a valve off or something so that the engine doesn't get any gas and you can start it. Either way, I could have just about cried by then. I spent a LONG hour waiting for him, and during that time I am imagining all the things that could possibly be wrong with my car and how much money it is going to cost to repair those things. Then he gets there and starts my car right up! He told me to drive it around for 20 minutes before I shut the engine off (no problem, I have a 30 minute commute). I was so happy just to know that I wouldn't have to pay any expenses to get the car repaired. The roadside assist guy said that my engine probably flooded because the weather was so cold, the car hadn't been driven all day, and somehow I had inadvertantly bumped the gas pedal. But it works just fine now!

so anyway...

The kids are at music, but I got kicked out of Ms. Foster's classroom for a little bit because she and Ms. B are having some kind of "private conversation". It's not really a big deal, except I still have to write my Social Studies lesson plan and I have to do that lesson in half an hour.  So I'd like to have a chance to figure out what I'm doing.

 

But I probably won't have a chance to blog for awhile so here I am.

 

Life has just become so crazy lately.  Last Tuesday I was observed by my University Supervisor and miraculously, that lesson went well.  But I still have so so so much more stuff to do.  I am dealing with that feeling of being buried underneath a mountain of stuff that I can't get out of.

 

Yesterday at school was ok but crazy.  We had indoor recess because it was so cold outside, and my feet started hurting so bad by the end of the day.  I got in my car at the end of the day and started bawling.  I just have so much stuff to do.  How much more can I take?

 

When my parents got home, my mom was really worried about me.  She said this was not like me, and she was right.  I felt crummy all evening and could barely eat anything for dinnner.  During my shower I found a yucky rash on my legs and underneath my left arm.  My mom told me that if the rash didn't go away by the morning, I'd have to take the day off and go to the doctor.  And I'll be honest - a big part of me wanted to have that day off.  I have so much to do that I can't really afford any time off, but oh... just to have a chance to sleep and stuff... that would feel so good.

 

I went to bed an hour early and slept hard all night.  When I woke up this morning, the rash was gone and I felt okay so I came to school.  My feet are so so, but I have different shoes on and I think I'll make it.

 

I'm counting the days until graduation.  Literally.  I have one month exactly, 30 days, until graduation.  I am not sure how I am going to make it but, doggonit, I will.  Because I always do.  Because God is with me, and together we can do anything. 

 

s and I went out to dinner tonight

Not a bad day, but definitely a crazy one. The weather was icky - cold and wet - and it snowed twice today. My kids were... well, they were definitely more wired than usual!

I was observed my university supervisor, though, and I was so proud of my kids. They were really well behaved while my u.sup. was there. I'm going to bring them a treat tomorrow.

I went out to dinner with s tonight. Man oh man, I wish I could do that every night! It is such a huge stress relief to be with him and to be able to relax and just be cool. I've got so much work to do lately, and I have been in a constant state of "overwhelmed". One month and two days until graduation...

I am starting to think about how I am going to reply to Linda. I love her so much, but my heart is broken. S read her email tonight, too, and what he said reaffirmed the way I feel: She is hiding from God. And oh, man, I just don't know what to say or do for her. Besides prayer... I feel so helpless. I don't know what to say to her.

decent day overall...

It definitely felt like Monday, but it could have been a lot worse. The weather here is cloudy, overcast, on/off showers, and overall BLAH, so the kids were crazy today. Thank HEAVEN we were able to give them outside recess!

Linny asked some questions about Miami, who is in the pictures below, so I will include more pictures of her. She's my absolutely adorable hamster. Everyone she has ever met has fallen in love with her.

Tomorrow I am going to be observed by my university supervisor, which I am kind of dreading. I won't say anything negative about my u. sup., but suffice to say I'm a nervous wreck. I really hope my lesson goes well!

Here's some pictures of Miami!

on a lighter note...

Tonight, my mom was doing laundry and I was playing with Miami when she discovered one of my socks...

my heart is heavy....

We took the Lord's supper in church this morning. I was glad for it, but still my heart is heavy. There is so much between myself and the Lord right now. My heart is heavy. My heart is sad.

I received an email from Linda today. For newcomers to this blog who don't know, Linda is my long-lost cousin who decided last December to move in with her boyfriend. Before that time, we were the best of friends. Maybe moving in with her boyfriend is not a big deal to most people, but to our conservative Christian family, it was quite a shock. Sometime last August or September, they threw together a sudden wedding. And anyway, she barely speaks to me now.

Sometimes I wish she could know how many hearts she has broken. She was quite the buzz at the family reunion in September. I feel so sorry for her parents. I know they wanted so much more for her. But there were a lot of other people in the family who were disappointed in her.

I wish I could be joyful at receiving an email from her. I mean, hey, at least she's trying to communicate with me, right? But I'm not. It makes me so, so sad, one of those deep sadnesses that you can feel in your chest. It makes me cry. I imagine what she could have had... I imagine what great joy her Savior planned for her. I imagine how much she broke His heart when she moved in with her boyfriend. And that's what hurts most of all.

Because, you see, her Savior is my Savior too. Jesus. And I love him so much. I want to please him, I want to be the kind of person He wants me to be. I just wonder every day if she has brought her sins before the Lord. I wonder if she is seeking fulfillment and joy in the Father. I wonder if she loves God first, boyfriend second. I don't think she is. I don't think she does.

Please don't assume that I'm saying this because I'm looking at the plank in my cousin's eye before dealing with the speck in my own eye. As 1 Corinthians 15:31 says, "I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord." I struggle every day to live a sinless life before my Father.

God's Word also says that those who glory in Christ will be known by their actions and by the fruit they produce. Dear Linda... where are your actions? where is your fruit?

On another note, I've noticed that this blog has turned kind of depressing lately. Sorry. Life's gotten a bit stressful, and this has been how I vent to keep my sanity. I'll try to lighten the mood around here.

portfolio portfolio portfolio

Long, tedious, and oh-so-boring...

yet it is a state requirement for becoming a teacher.

Yes, that's write, I am currently in the midst of writing my portfolio. My evil, already-late porfolio. And I think I could go crazy!

One bite at a time...

How to you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

one of the Godliest demonstrations of manhood I've ever seen

this absolutely just blows me away...

Yesterday we drove all night to Pittsburgh
Jamie laid her head down in the back
My little boys asleep beside their sister
They’re the best I have

I brought an old recording of your father
He was teaching men and women how to love
He carried on about his sons and daughters
Growing up

As we drove across Ohio
At the dawning of the day
I could hear the tune of truth was in his voice
And it felt just like I knew him
Though I never saw his face
Maybe that’s because I know his boys
Who live their lives

For the love of God
In the name of Jesus
The groom who gave his life
To love his bride

I know you thought you’d never find a woman
I never thought I’d have to write this song
But here I am and there you are together
After all

You felt like you were buried
In a city underground
All broken bits and pieces of the past
And somewhere she was searching
On the surface of the mound
She was digging for a treasure that would last
Now she’s giving you her heart

For the love of God
In the name of Jesus
The groom who gave his life
To love his bride

Now, love is not a feeling in your chest
It is bending down to wash another’s feet
It is faithful when the sun is in the west
And in the east

It can hurt you as it holds you
In its overwhelming flood
Till only the unshakeable is left
“This new command I give you,” He said,
“Love as I have loved”
So brother, love her better than yourself
And give her your heart

For the love of God
In the name of Jesus
The groom who gave his life
To love his bride

life as I know it

So, the fourth graders are taking a test and I probably should be
writing lesson plans or something during this time. But I'm not.
Because I can.

School is going really well, overall. That MU girl is back again,
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week. She'll be gone tomorrow,
thank goodness. But she'll be back MTW next week. She cuts into my
lesson time... that bugs me. But oh well. She'll learn.

The ADHD kid in my class is doing a lot better. Still a long, long
way from where we want him to be, but he is doing a lot better. I
don't think he's getting the attention at home that he needs to be
getting, which infuriates me, but there's not a thing I can do about
it. Sometimes I wonder if he even has ADHD, as much as he just
desperately wants to get attention. He's socially immature, which
puts him at a great disadvantage with his peers. But he's smart. He
is in our district's gifted program. I hope he realizes someday that,
because he's smart, he's got a much bigger advantage than a lot of
kids in his position. A lot of the "troublemakers" are not good
students, and with out some kind of great intervention, they never
become anything. This kid has the potential to be a doctor or a
lawyer or an astronaut, if that's what he sets his mind on.

Life is crazy but I am having a blast with it. It's gonna get a lot
better when I can get my portfolio done. I'm starting to make some
real progress on it, but it's still a long, tedious process.

Last night I went out with S again. We went to our usual
restaurant and just hung out - but it was so much fun. We made our
"list" - just before or at the beginning of the meal, we always make a
list of topics to discuss that evening. He wrote on it "Friends
Forever". And when we got to that topic, he said he really valued our
friendship. That meant a lot to me. He may never know just how much.
I've lived through an awful lot of "friendships", only to discover
that a good friend is difficult to find. S has been a good friend
to me. I told him as much. I hope and pray that I can count him as a
friend for many years to come.

I've been taking my digital camera with me more and more lately, so
hopefully soon you will start to see pictures up on my blog. Maybe
even pictures of me and/or my friends... we'll have to see what the
future holds!

By the way, thanks to the lovely filter at my school, I'm figuring out
that I can email my posts to myself during the day, but then I have to
go home and hit "publish" for it to actually be posted. Crazy. So
that's why some of these posts might appear hours after the fact.
Sorry about that... I'm working on figuring that out. I'm still
learning CSS and the other internet languages.

the resiliancy of the human spirit

Today I want to talk about a woman I work with. I'll just call her
Mrs. B Everything imaginable seems to have gone against her. Her
husband is terminally ill. About two to three weeks ago, her only
child, her 19-year-old daughter, was tragically killed in a car
accident.

Today I sat in the workroom with Mrs B, eating lunch, and listened to
her laugh. It was a true, sincere laugh. Mrs. B has every reason
(and perhaps every right) to be bitter and hostile, but she is not.
Instead of talking about what she had lost, she talked about what she
had to be thankful for - a roof over her head at night and friends who
loved her. I think we could all learn a lesson from Mrs. B.

S.M.S. - Save My Students

One of my kids with ADHD and a host of other issues got put on new medication today. It's not going so well. Behaviorally, he's a mess. Out of his seat, blurting out answers, never raising his hand, harrassing other students... the list goes on and on. Mentally... well, I'm afraid it's even worse. I'm never one to second-guess a parent or doctor's decision, but I do not understand why they chose the medicines they chose for the symptoms this child has. He has begun making comments that are nearly suicidal, and I am extremely concerned. I am limited by the law and by our lawsuit-crazy society, but even beyond that, I am not sure what I should be doing for this child.

For those of you out there who believe in a Higher Power... send up a few words in this boy's name. He needs all the help we can give him.

AHHHHHH!!!!!!

DOES ANYONE HAVE A STINKIN' FLU SHOT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

think i'm losin' it

Life took a giant step towards the crazy today. So much to do... not enough hours in the day.

S and I went out again tonight. I absolutely love it when I get to go out with him. Soooooo relaxing... I love just talking to him, it is like I am finally talking to someone who understands me. Sometimes it seems like there aren't enough people like that in this world.

My life in general feels so crazy right now. I think a big part of that is because I am living with my parents, and as a result I have a lot of stuff crammed into a very small space (i.e. my bedroom), and my mom refuses to let me buy any drawers or anything to organize it. So in general my "world" is just messy, and I hate that. Plus my TV is broken, and my mom refuses to let me buy a new one. And I hate that.

Know what I really hate? When my sister graduated, my parents bought her a laptop, and she had enough money to buy a car, free and clear. And when I graduate, I will be LUCKY to get a television from my parents. I don't have any money to buy a car, and I don't think my parents want to buy me a laptop. I don't know why. I guess it has something to do with money, and my sister was just lucky whereas I am not. Celebrate her graduation, but mine is not a big deal.

Anyway, I have this stupid portfolio hanging over my head, and my mom loves to make fun of me at every turn for not working hard enough on it. She's mad that I am not done with it (she is of the opinion that I should be done before thanksgiving and if not, that is just evidence that I am a slacker). So, I won't quit blogging entirely, but I may not be able to blog nearly as often as I would like.

Phooey. It's really hard for me to love teaching sometimes. I love it, I really do, but I have days that are really hard. Because it shouldn't be this much work. All I want is to graduate, and it shouldn't be this difficult.

long days and longer nights

What a day. I had my interview this morning, which turned out to be not a mock interview at all. No, instead it was a screening interview, so the district can decide which of their student teachers are good and which ones aren't... next semester they will call the good ones and ask them to return for further interviews. The not so good ones? Eh, too bad. Honestly, at this point, I'm just so relieved to have that over with.

I thought I did pretty good, though. I was interviewed by two principals whose names I can't recall, so let's just call them Mr. Chapel Lakes Elementary and Ms. Lucy Franklin Elementary. Both really nice, both fairly young. Tough questions, especially for a screening interview. I hope I didn't get too flubbered. But the way they talked about the district, and just from meeting them, I don't think I would mind working at their schools. I know I would love to work at James Walker Elementary. But keep me away from Sunny Pointe Elementary! (further editorial comments withdrawn until I actually get a job)

I had to wear this fance dress suit that my mom and I bought at Sears last weekend, along with hose and dress shoes. I hate dress shoes. Nothing makes you feel worse at the end of the day than sore feet. I got to the end of the day and my whole legs were sore.

Our MU chica is doing more and more to not move to my good side. I'm trying so hard to be nice to her, but she just doesn't realize that 1)she is floating on easy street through her student teaching, and 2)she is not getting a good student teaching experience. She grades nothing, teaches very little, and spends such a short time in each classroom that she barely gets to know the students. Not good preparation for a career in teaching. And it leaves plenty of work for me.

I had to stay after school late tonight to tutor one of my little girls in her multiplication facts. We've been tutoring every Tuesday, and it's so frustrating sometimes, because it seems like no matter how much you teach her, she doesn't get it. Then she'll get it, and you're like "yay! we'll take a multiplication timed test tomorrow", and you take the test, and she doesn't pass. So you tutor her again, and she doesn't get it, then she finally gets it, and she takes the test, and she doesn't pass. SOOOOO maddening. Some of this stuff that makes so much sense to us (adults) is so hard to explain to kids.

By the time I left school, it was late, and I had to stop by Target on the way home to get myself a new pill cutter, since I think my grandpa accidently left with my old one when he visited. I've been taking twice as much of my medicine as I should be taking for a week now (not good!), so I knew I just had to stop sometime. I shouldn't have, but I bought a new purse while I was there. It's my seasonal thing. Every September/Octoberish and March/Aprilish I struggle not to buy a new purse. Don't know why. I guess it's my little treat for myself.

I really have to get some sleep or I will be dead tomorrow. Blah. I gotta find an easier job. (I think I say that to myself at least once every day! the funny part is, I really do love teaching. Maybe I just love it more when I am wearing comfortable shoes.)

tired and grouchy

This MU girl started working with Ms. Foster and I yesterday. She
will be here for 3 days a week, for 3 weeks. I'm already not liking
her much. She's as skinny as all get out, a vegetarian, works 2 jobs
and has tons of money (but claims to be broke), wears the most awesome
clothes, has been to Spain (most of her clothes are from there), and
talks nonstop about her trip to spain. Just get out of my classroom,
girl. These are my kids. Don't claim that you are a better student
teacher than I am, or that your teaching methods are better than I am.
Just get out of my classroom.

white socks, black pants, not-so-mock interviews, and desperate sources of income

Yup. This morning, I was in such a hurry to leave, that I grabbed a pair of white socks, not thinking that I am wearing black pants and black shoes, and white socks might not look so good with this getup. Go me!

Tomorrow morning I have a "mock" interview. So they say. The administrators from my district will be interviewing the student teachers, and somehow I suspect that this interview will not be as "mock" as they would like us to believe.

I am really, really feeling broke lately. Terribly frustrated. I've started thinking, again, for the gazillionth time, about crocheting scarves, afghans, and other stuff, and selling that stuff, like on Ebay. I have not been crocheting much lately, but I might have to take some time off from the blogosphere (what little time I have) to go back to it, give it a shot again.

I really hope I hear from MU about their master's degree soon. I requested information, and I would like to hear from them ASAP so that I can decide if I want to enroll in the program for the spring semester.

I got an email from Linda, my long lost cousin, this weekend. Who would've thunk it? She kept it short, in classic Linda style. "It has been too long since I sat down and emailed you... the wedding was great... my temp job is over, I am now working for RE/MAX and loving it... what are you up to now... we are really happy". Interesting that she had to put in that clause about being really happy. I don't think she'd say that unless she was at least a little bit insecure in her happiness, and I only say that as a person who used to be very unhappy and is slowly finding a happiness that is better than I could have ever dreamed of. How in the world am I supposed to respond to that? I don't want to sound cocky or proud, but gee whiz... what am I up to? Well, I will graduate with my BSE in December... I will start my M.ed. with a specialty in literacy in January... I love teaching, I think I have the best job in the whole wide world... I have the best friends in the whole wide world (though she's not one of them)... every morning, I wake up and my heart is so filled with joy I just feel like it's going to burst. How can tell her that? I don't think she'd ever understand.